timandfee

It’s a bank holiday Monday and I’m sitting in a park enjoying some “me time”. I’ve just put on some music and am conscious that this is the first time I have listened to this classical playlist since I was pregnant with Alina.

So the stats: I’m 23 weeks pregnant, with a due date of 6th February, but a baby arrival date of 28th January. I’m having another c section, on the doctors advice. I don’t mind at all. With Alina I went through the pain, the contractions and the pushing sensation - am fine to miss it this time We had our 20 week scan 10 days ago and all is well. Baba is 20cm. We are not finding out the sex, we even had to close our eyes during the scan. This time I just don’t want to know. With Alina we were told it was a girl, but it did not make me more organised and we still had no name. With this baba, maybe the reason I don’t want or need to find out is because I’m convinced I know. I have had a feeling since I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks and to be honest I will be ABSOLUTELY shocked if I am wrong….but I guess there is a chance!  Ailbhe says I’m self convincing the sex of the baby because it is what I would prefer, but honestly while I have a slight preference, it is more for alina. I don’t really mind, and I don’t think Tim does either.

This time around I don’t have as much time to “live” the pregnancy. With Alina I came home most evenings and lay on the couch reading baby books and playing music for her, while now I come home TO Alina, wanting to play with her and read her a story, before getting her ready for bed.  Even going to the doc is not as exciting - we missed the 16 week appointment as  i did not need it, and were 2 weeks late for the 20 week scan! I have not been as good with what I eat (in terms of things to avoid), although I am not eating as much rubbish and so this time I have put on 3 kilos less at this stage of the pregnancy. A good thing too as I started 3.5 kilos more!! (Side note: After this baba I WILL attempt to have a figure again!! The body weight the last 2 years has really been depressing to be honest….self inflicted I know :-))

Tim and I are also different - when pregnant with Alina, I was very spoilt and  there is no doubt i was treated like  Princess.  This time, Alina has taken my spot

And while I had pretty much had the same pregnancy - horrible month 2 and 3 and great since - the feeling of this baby is very different.  For a start, this baby is a mover and a shaker - i felt the first flutters at 13 weeks and the first kicks from 18 weeks - with alina it was 23 weeks.  Alina was exceptionally quiet inside the tummy - even getting the scan they had to prod her to move, while this time the doc said “wow, this is an active baby”. I also feel that this baby will look different - I see it in the scans, but I also feel it.  Tim thinks i am mad.  It is not that i have an image of a brown haired, brown eyed baby, just a knowledge that it will look dofferent.

I am convinced that this baby will have a different temperment then Alina, even from birth - while I am hoping he\she will be as quiet and good as Alina as an infant, I also feel that it will be a very different experience. Funny how feelings go!!

In a strange way i also feel more connected at this stage to my bump.  The bond seems strong, i think it took longer with alina to really feel it was our baby in there!

One thing that is the same, i am so looking forward to meeting this little angel, just as i was with our first Princess.  And it is still very exciting!