timandfee

Today is the day my maternity leave was due to end, but luckily I have lots of holidays I can use to extend the time. The last couple of weeks I have been feeling the bond with my two children stronger then ever. I guess part of the reason that my heart aches every time i think of them, is because time is coming when I need to go back to work. I find it hard to imagine leaving them, although if I am honest, I would have found it hard to imagine not leaving them just a short while ago!! But things have changed - they are both in much better form, and it is getting easier week by week, and because of that, the summer weather, and the house getting into shape, maternity leave is becoming much more enjoyable.

I have always known I would not be a stay at home mum, but now for the first time I wonder how I will balance this life of working mum with 2-kids-at-home-mum. Last year if I am honest work came first, this time I know I have to find a better balance. Starting very soon, I have to somehow begin to prepare myself and them for me not being around as much. I know that they will both find that hard, especially luca, as first he is dependent on me for food still, and second there is no doubt that right now he is a mummy´s boy. Plus he is still so young - in most other countries you do not go back to work until the child is 6 months, here it is 4 months, and that really is hard. But Alina will also find it hard. And if I am honest, I will find it very hard.

I have to start weaning Luca, whether he likes it or not!! I have decided that for the summer I will work reduced hours, this means that at least until Luca is 7 months old I will be at home more often then I was with Alina - but I need that to be the case, this time tim will not be at home. I would love to breastfeed him fully until 6 months, but I am not sure I will get there. It has been a really enjoyable experience so far, and I have been lucky that thanks to my trusted friend “breast pump” I still got to socialise during the past months.

I know me, once back I will throw myself into work, and hopefully I will enjoy it. But right now I find it hard to imagine. And in fact I am both scared and definitely a bit sad that time is going so quickly and soon I will have to leave them for a great part of the day. I guess I am facing the dilemma of most working mums. but if I am honest, I did not know I would want to be with them so much, and for sure I did not imagine that the thought of leaving them would hurt so much.