Author Archives: feefee

Bad mum..part 5,654,234,875,785

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It’s such a horrible feeling of sadness, guilt and regret after i lose my temper. Especially when it was really my fault we got into the stressful situation in the first place.

This morning I got up late. Tim had not gotten Alina up so then we were all late. Getting dressed and ready went smoothly enough, but of there is one thing Alina does not respond well to it is being rushed. And so she balked at putting her jacket on. Then the meltdown arrived.   In the end I got angry, and then I forcibly put her into the pram. She was screaming, I was giving out, luca said not a peep as we rushed out the door. For half the journey she screamed and I lectured, while  at the same time running down the street (you cannot get to Alina’s school after 9.30 or the doors close until 10). Then I listened to myself, realized that the horrible drama was mine of the making, stopped the pram and asked her if she wanted a hug. She did. And showed me a sore finger that I really hope was not caused by me!! I apologized for shouting, she said “I dont like it when you get cross” as we hugged each other.  After a few minutes of hugs we continued on our way.

She got into school on time.  But then started saying that today she did not look nice though, and I realized that part of the problem this morning was not just that I was rushing her, but that I had got her to put jeans on for the first time in months (she really only wants to wear dresses). After a promise that I would collect her with a change of clothes (a pink dress and purple tights to be exact), she gave me a kiss and walked in happily. Next dropped off a happy luca and headed for home. It was then, having realised how much I am failing on my first new year resolution (patience) and judging from the sad feeling in my chest, that the guilt set in. And right now, I feel like the worst mother in the world.

 

 

2 minute teeth brushing

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Maybe everyone knew this, but i just read that the recommendation is that you brush your teeth for minimum 2 minutes at a time.  I timed myself, and while there were times i was over the 2 minutes, in general i was clocking about 1.5 minutes….and sometimes (especially  running out the door), a lot less!

So now i am brushing for 2+ minutes every time, and i swear it makes a big difference!  I tried to do the same for the kids (was thinking that if i got to 1-1.5 minutes it would be successful as they have fewer teeth), but i now realise that with Luca i would have as much hope of climbing mount Everest without oxygen as getting him to allow me to brush his teeth for that length of time.  But we live in hope :-)

 

New Year Resolutions 2012 v.2

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My first set of New Year resolutions were long and specific, but i need a more mantra thing.  So here is what i am really aiming for in 2012:

Get focused

Be present

Be more patient

Be proactive

Live healthier

Connect more

Be responsible

Be more aware

Be positive

Be thankful

 

Day 2 detox

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Detoxing is hard! In my case I am having fruit, vegetables, natural juices and water, and herbal teas. Even though i am not limiting how much i eat, and with the sugars from the fruit i am not starving, i am still permanently cold. And my mind tells me i am hungry even after a delicious stir fry….and this just because i have no carbs with it!

Yesterday was easy, i was full of determination. Today i really missed my morning coffee! And my barry´s tea with milk when i felt cold. Can honestly say i am not feeling more energetic, healthier, or thinner. But then again it is only day 2…many more days to go!!

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Back to school today

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I now understand the millions of parents who are glad when holidays are over! Today is January 9th and after 3.5 weeks with mum and dad, luca and Alina went back to school. It was great!!  For me.  They definitely struggled a bit in the morning.  It went something like this….

Both kids had to be woken up at 8, and while luca only cared about getting his milk, Alina had real trouble getting out of bed. She spent 5 minutes trying to convince me it was still nighttime, and then I got the “I don’t want to go to school”. Dressing was also not that easy, but nor was it too hard.  Getting the clothes out with her the night before has definitely made things easier, but i slipped in a pair of tights into the pile – tights that are a bit big, so they wrinkle, so she wont wear them.  Luckily other pink tights were found and we moved onto the kitchen. Alina ate breakie, luca said “um, yummy porridge”, and ate nothing much.  Washing teeth was hard work…alina does not like the floride toothpaste, so we had some tears and luca would not open his mouth.  But we prevailed.  Then It was putting on coat time and the fun really started! While tim was getting the pram downstairs I was running after luca, and Alina was sitting in the coach, shoe and coat less, insisting on watching something…by now we were nearly late. With both in tears, 1 feeding off the other, we got them strapped in and out the door. Just outside Alina realized she was actually excited about going back and seeing her teacher and friends. And luca realized what was happening and the crocodile tears came, interrupted with pleading sounds of “papa?” and “home?”.

Alina walked in fine, no problem saying goodbye, although it was still too early to get much smiles or chat from her! Luca was sad, but also happy to see his teacher coco, and his friend Todd. He had stopped the tears before I left. In fact I got a big kiss and hug from both.

All that was left was for me to walk home and get into bed for a while! It was a nearly unimagineable luxury!

I admit that around lunchtime the house felt a little too quiet, and by 3.30 i was really looking forward to collecting them, but I was also rested and ready for action. Now lets see what the rest of the week brings.

New year resolutions 2012

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Today is my January 1st. Before today thinking about starting new year resolutions was pointless…we had visitors and the 2 were at home from school until today. Plus i wanted to get through all the holidays (6th of January, three kings, is a big day in Spain) before thinking about what i need to do this year. But today is the day. And i am happy it has finally arrived! The need to exercise more, be healthy, loose weight, and get a job is strong! So here are my new years resolutions in all their glory. Am hoping to stick to most!!:

  • Be more patient, esp to the people closest to me.. specifically think before i speak when annoyed, try to breath and count to 3 before responding and go for empathy as first emotion!
  • Find a job that i like
  • Manage money more effectively
  • Smile more….especially in the morning when i find it hardest
  • Give 6pm to 8pm to kid time….no computers or phones (unless it is an emergency)
  • Learn to cook one delicious meal
  • Stay better in touch with my family, particularly my parents…call at least one a week and text each parent twice a week
  • Be more consistent with the kids…and yes this does mean put in more of a routine
  • Be healthier – specifically:
  • Drink more water and less toxins!!,
  • Exercise…i know i always say it, and i am not going to commit to the gym, but i need to exercise 4 days a week (the school run counts)
  • Stay off the cigs
  • Eat healthier….much less in-betweens (this is for all the family!)
  • Loose the last baby kilos!
  • Visit my godson
  • Write in the now-non-existent blog at least once a month
  • Stress less about things i cannot change, and be responsible fot the things that i can improve
  • Be less lazy…push myself to do the unpleasant things more
  • Keep the house cleaner
  • Connect with a far away friend every month
  • Be there for my friends. Listen more, talk less. Awareness, awareness awareness.
  • Have a nature outing once a month…may just be me sitting on the beach with a book
  • Stay in Barcelona
  • Have a date night once a week (with my hubby!!)
  • Get us all to the dentist twice this year!
  • Have a family outing every week
  • Sign the kids up for a course they love…would like to take luca swimming and alina dancing
  • Take a class or do an activity that i have not done before
  • Try not to put things on the long finger as much …new mantra “do it now!”
  • Travel to a new place (a new country is the real aim)
  • Set a better example for my kids.
  • Appreciate more all that i have….especially appreciate my husband more

I love Christmas

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I used to always believe that the summer was my favorite time of year. It was the time of my birthday, as well as that of many of my best friends and my hubby.  It was the time of holidays. As i got older it meant a time of adventures and visiting foreign lands. The rain tended to be a bit less, there was often an opportunity to go to the beach (yes even in ireland) and people just walk around a little lighter on their feet in warm weather,  It was even the time of year that my first beautiful child was born.

But today, on the 2nd of december, I realize that Christmas wins the vote for my favorite time of year. Tonight at 2.30am, on the way home from a birthday party, I made tim stop to get the christmas tree.  I also admit, that a bit irrationally, I was upset when tim took one of the first tree’s we saw rather then spend hours looking at lots!!

And whatever about us adults, Christmas is a real time of magic for children.  This year Alina understands about Santa, and while not overly excited (i am doing that for her) she is looking forward to 1. going to ballyhard to see nana and granddad, and 2. seeing if santa brings the computer she asked for and if the reindeers will eat the carrots.

Another big plus for Christmas is the music….you can only listen to these songs for a few weeks each year…and some are classics.  Still “fairytale of new york” for me, although i have been listening to “christmas wine” too.  i have been preparing my christmas play list for weeks….only putting it on when i was home alone.  Now, no one can stop me!!

There are other amazing sounds too at this time of year, like the sound of the wind howling as you sit in front of a big fire.  I think it is one of my favourite things in the world…in front of a fire in ballyhard, other people around, but maybe a book in hand and a glass of red wine in the other!  Pure bliss.

Then of course there is the food…days and days of eating delicious things…and knowing there is no point in worrying about it until January.

And finally, maybe the most important thing of all for me.  Ballyhard.   My home house, this year newly decorated.  Which for me equals friends and family.  We will get to hang out with loved ones, connect with friends, play cards, sing songs, eat lots, read books in front of a fire, chat and laugh.  There is no place in the world i would rather be.  And it is family and my home that really mean Christmas is my favourite time of year.  We will miss you michael and patrick…but at least we will have a few more beds in the house!!

Time

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Right now I’m lying on a bed in a hotel room. My husband is relaxing in the bath. We both have a glass of cava in our hands. It is quiet…no sound but the occasional splash of water. We are calm. It’s our first full weekend (as in 2 nights) away by ourselves since luca arrived. And we needed it…we need to be alone, relaxed, together. We need time to reconnect without the outside world interfering.

We needed to each have a book in our hand, with time to read it. To talk about non work, non money, non kid, stuff. We needed time to lie beside each other without feeling exhausted. Luckily thanks to loida and meme and pepe (the babysitters), and a great bro john (who did not request I be in ireland), we are getting this time. Time to communicate. To relax. To talk and listen. Medicine for our souls.

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