So last week, Sylvia, Alina´s teacher had a little word with me.  She said Alina is too big to be going to school in the pram (I use the double phil & teds to get them both to school).  I was a little put out by this, maybe she is a tad big for the pram but the alternative is just too unpleasant.  Here is why Alina is using the pram:

• It takes 20 mins to get her to school in the pram (me walking fast).  It takes 45 mins if we go by public transport.  And it takes an hour or more if she walks.  As we have to be there before 9.30, we would have to leave the house at 8.15…this is when i normally get her up!
• Luca does what she does.  So then i would have 2 trying to walk to school!
• She is a slooooowww walker.  Everything Alina does, she does at her own pace.  Running or rushing is out of the question…my daughter strolls!
• She is a bit lazy…she does not like walking.  Even when we dont have the pram, she will often try to get me to lift her!
• She is often tried, and will fall asleep in the pram a few times a week.

So here is the thing, at 3.5 (just) is she too old to be in the pram?  What is the age they should stop using one for longer distances? As of now, she walks the last bit (3 mins!) to school and walks home most days, and as far as I am concerned that is fine!

It’s such a horrible feeling of sadness, guilt and regret after i lose my temper. Especially when it was really my fault we got into the stressful situation in the first place.

This morning I got up late. Tim had not gotten Alina up so then we were all late. Getting dressed and ready went smoothly enough, but of there is one thing Alina does not respond well to it is being rushed. And so she balked at putting her jacket on. Then the meltdown arrived.   In the end I got angry, and then I forcibly put her into the pram. She was screaming, I was giving out, luca said not a peep as we rushed out the door. For half the journey she screamed and I lectured, while  at the same time running down the street (you cannot get to Alina’s school after 9.30 or the doors close until 10). Then I listened to myself, realized that the horrible drama was mine of the making, stopped the pram and asked her if she wanted a hug. She did. And showed me a sore finger that I really hope was not caused by me!! I apologized for shouting, she said “I dont like it when you get cross” as we hugged each other.  After a few minutes of hugs we continued on our way.

She got into school on time.  But then started saying that today she did not look nice though, and I realized that part of the problem this morning was not just that I was rushing her, but that I had got her to put jeans on for the first time in months (she really only wants to wear dresses). After a promise that I would collect her with a change of clothes (a pink dress and purple tights to be exact), she gave me a kiss and walked in happily. Next dropped off a happy luca and headed for home. It was then, having realised how much I am failing on my first new year resolution (patience) and judging from the sad feeling in my chest, that the guilt set in. And right now, I feel like the worst mother in the world.

My first set of New Year resolutions were long and specific, but i need a more mantra thing.  So here is what i am really aiming for in 2012:

Get focused

Be present

Be more patient

Be proactive

Live healthier

Connect more

Be responsible

Be more aware

Be positive

Be thankful

Today is my January 1st. Before today thinking about starting new year resolutions was pointless…we had visitors and the 2 were at home from school until today. Plus i wanted to get through all the holidays (6th of January, three kings, is a big day in Spain) before thinking about what i need to do this year. But today is the day. And i am happy it has finally arrived! The need to exercise more, be healthy, loose weight, and get a job is strong! So here are my new years resolutions in all their glory. Am hoping to stick to most!!:

• Be more patient, esp to the people closest to me.. specifically think before i speak when annoyed, try to breath and count to 3 before responding and go for empathy as first emotion!
• Find a job that i like
• Manage money more effectively
• Smile more….especially in the morning when i find it hardest
• Give 6pm to 8pm to kid time….no computers or phones (unless it is an emergency)
• Learn to cook one delicious meal
• Stay better in touch with my family, particularly my parents…call at least one a week and text each parent twice a week
• Be more consistent with the kids…and yes this does mean put in more of a routine
• Be healthier – specifically:
• Drink more water and less toxins!!,
• Exercise…i know i always say it, and i am not going to commit to the gym, but i need to exercise 4 days a week (the school run counts)
• Stay off the cigs
• Eat healthier….much less in-betweens (this is for all the family!)
• Loose the last baby kilos!
• Visit my godson
• Write in the now-non-existent blog at least once a month
• Stress less about things i cannot change, and be responsible fot the things that i can improve
• Be less lazy…push myself to do the unpleasant things more
• Keep the house cleaner
• Connect with a far away friend every month
• Be there for my friends. Listen more, talk less. Awareness, awareness awareness.
• Have a nature outing once a month…may just be me sitting on the beach with a book
• Stay in Barcelona
• Have a date night once a week (with my hubby!!)
• Get us all to the dentist twice this year!
• Have a family outing every week
• Sign the kids up for a course they love…would like to take luca swimming and alina dancing
• Take a class or do an activity that i have not done before
• Try not to put things on the long finger as much …new mantra “do it now!”
• Travel to a new place (a new country is the real aim)
• Set a better example for my kids.
• Appreciate more all that i have….especially appreciate my husband more

Just slide in the ipad, download a few arcade games and we’re off!! Sleep is for the weak!

With the visit of Vanessa and Arjan and their cute kids Laura and Arthur , we have had a taste of what’s to come: being awoken by kids’ gibberish at 7am daily (if we’re lucky), the floor in constant need of cleaning – although Vanessa had a hand in that too -, no possibility of a quiet nap on the couch without having to participate in kid’s games or resolve their arguments, wiping of bums (esp. arthur’s)…

but i loved it! it was great having the 4 of them over – hope to see them again soon!

here are the pictures:

busy weekend with people coming in from amsterdam, ireland, UK